Currently only 32% of our Black children are born into two parent families in America. In slavery and up through the 1960’s those numbers were in the low 80%s.

These numbers are scary, and suggest black men and women are in the midst of a Civil War.

And it’s gotta end.

First to my sisters, you undoubtedly have had some very hurtful experiences with black men. I feel your pain.

We have hurt you; and, unfortunately, you have hurt us, too.

As a black psychologist, I question how we can help turn our collective pain, as black men and black women, into something that works for the greater good of the community.

As a black man, I don’t believe black men hating black women, or vice-versa, is going to help end this Civil War, much less help us to thrive. With only 32% of our children being born into two family households, I don’t believe we have the luxury of sitting around trying to figure out who is to blame — truth be told, we both are to blame.

To turn those numbers around, we have to start to talk with each other, learn from each others’ pain, and start to figure out how to move from our current lose/lose situation and start to create a win/win.

Black men, I think it’s our charge to start the process of forgiving and leading positive change. We really don’t have a choice…don’t you agree that the 68% of children being born in one parent homes certainly deserve more.

My brothers, we are the best marketers in the world. Vitamin water, shoes, golf balls, music, even pants that fall off your butt — we can sell elevator shoes to giants, and make it in-vogue to wear them.

Why not promote our Sistas (and marriage to them)? If not us, then who? Besides they are an excellent. Personally, rather than continuing to contribute to this lose/lose situation, I’m willing to swallow any I may have felt a black woman cause me for the greater good and say let’s do better by each other in the future.

We have a choice: either our pain, or winning.

I hope we decide to make winning more important than our Pain. I know that’s a hard thing to do, but the alternative is setting the next generation up to further this lose/lose trend.

So here we go: I forgive you my Sistas for your transgressions, and pray you can forgive us for ours. We share the same history; and, undoubtedly, the same future.

Let’s partner and make that future a brighter one for the next generation.

Dr. Shane