Whether you just heard, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you,” are trying to rebuild trust after an affair, need to replace distance with closeness, need to forgive (or be forgiven), or are trying to avoid separation or stop a divorce — Dr. Shane employs Gottman Institute’s research based methods to help couples develop the skills needed to hear (and be heard), resolve conflicts in a “win/win’ vs a “win/lose” fashion, and become fluent in and speak each other’s “love language” …so that you can try and make peace with the past and get past the pain.
Since 2003, Dr. Shane has rolled up his sleeves and got in the trenches with over 3,000 plus couples. Together they’ve been able to get to the root of the problem, and not be completely distracted by the symptoms. He will help you both identify your respective roles in your conflicts, what emotional challenges are stopping you two from hearing each other, and explore precisely what relationship dynamics contribute to you two creating win/lose, lose/win and lose/lose outcomes over and over again. His goal is to empower you two to develop the skills needed to create Win/Win outcomes that will help you two to live your happily ever after.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
WHAT HAPPENS THE FIRST SESSION
We will start the process of you two hearing each other. Yes, Dr. Shane recognizes that may sound too simple to be effective. But he’s learned most times both spouses are truly trying to do the right thing to make their marriage and family stronger. However, while we tend to hire the same, we marry the opposite. As such, when you get married you get a second set of eyes, and to have a successful marriage you’ve got to learn to trust what they see—based on their perspective, temperament and personality, and personal history. Therefore, you and your spouse likely see the problem and solution differently.
Dr. Shane will help you both hear how much of the lingering resentment from unresolved conflicts stem from misunderstandings and miscommunications about each other’s approach to solving the problem. In this session, you will start to hear and acknowledge your spouses’ attempt to fix things – and they will attempt to do the same!
The ultimate goal of this initial session is to build rapport and trust, and start to get to the root of the problem(s) by taking a more holistic history of your relationship. We identify and leverage your strengths to minimize your limitations, and start the process of fixing the problem(s), and not just bandaging a symptom(s).
Additionally, Dr. Shane will find out what you hope to accomplish with your session(s) and put together a game plan.