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3 Questions Before Asking for Divorce

Video Transcript

3, 2, 1 complete my steps for the day. When I first got this four story house, I thought I was nuts is the white me out to try and get up and down those things. Now I barely breathe hard. 30%, 30% with an intervention with cardiovascular activity, regular activity, you could put yourself out of risk of a cardiovascular event. Absolutely amazing.

Kind of happy. I didn’t get the elevator version wish I had though, but I digress 30%. That’s how much divorce rates drop as much as 30% within inner Bension. So today I’m going to talk to you about what are some intervention you can get. It could be a book, it could be a training self-help like this, or it could even be going and getting marital therapy with the professional like myself,

but 30% divorce rates drop. And I just want you to know, get it intervention. I’m Dr. Shane, I’m here to help you live your happily ever after. So let me help you figure out the three questions that you should ask so that you can make a good decision about your marriage and what your next step should be. So there are three types of problems that all couples face,

all couples face. You have to figure out what type of challenge you’re facing and therefore, how do we deal with, so the first type, and these are from the research of Dr. Gottman, the first type is a type one problem. A type one problem is what we call solvable. That’s right. Can you and your partner figure out how to resolve it by having a meeting of the minds?

So a boy just got a promotion and they want me to train at home for the next month. And then they want me to be gone for two weeks. I’ll pick up the kids, I’ll do a drop off and everything the next three months. But when I’m gone, it’s just going to have to find a way to double down. And we’re going to figure out how to get,

how to get someone else involved. A meeting of the minds, where we both say, ah, okay, you know, more logistic type of thing. In many cases, resolvable, top resolvable problem. Now it’s been solved type one problem. 29% of our problems type two problems, type two problems are what we call perpetual and type three are what we call perpetually gridlocked.

And those perpetual problems make up 69% of our problems. So a perpetual problem is kind of like the same problem in new clothes, same problem in clothes. So an example of that will be something based on either lifestyle or personality. Those things were not fixing compat, each other. They’re baked in a cake. That’s who you are. That’s who you’ve always been,

who you will always be. We have come to terms with that trait. So an example of personality, so personality and lifestyle, personality, introvert, extrovert introvert comes home. They’re drained, especially if they work with people. First thing they want to do is go somewhere and sit down. Maybe even have a cold. When the extrovert has been waiting to charge their battery and see them introvert is going downstairs and charges a battery with solitude.

The extrovert wants to recharge the battery with you and your spouse, your home. They want to recharge it with you. You rebuffed them seemingly because you just drained. So cutting a deal. The second type of problems, the key is can we cut up a deal? Is, you know what? When you come home first 15 minutes, we do nothing,

but check-in Hey, how’s your day that dah, dah, dah, dah, how are the kids? How’s work? Anything you need to help all those questions we ask, right? And then you take 90 minutes, 60 minutes, two hours, whatever it may be, where you go to your private section of the house, you recharge your battery.

We have dinner together that is cutting a deal or your family’s drinkers. And this is where it might be lifestyle. My family, we don’t drink at all. Right. And I hate going to holidays with you because everybody there is drinking. So what we decide that I’ll do this time is I’ll rent a hotel room with a nice pool. And I say,

everybody’s kids could come by. They can stay at the pool. When you see people start to drink, we go, the kids are at the pool. You could stay with them. You guys can drink all night. Everybody’s happy. That’s cutting a deal based on lifestyle, based on personality. These things are constant. And that’s why it’s called perpetual.

And you’re always going to have them. The key is, can we cut a deal? We’re going to have to give something up. Like I have going to have to accept, or you’re going to have to accept that you’re not going to give up drinking with your family is too important to you. That’s your culture. That’s your tradition. So the third type of problem is when we can’t cut a deal,

we can’t resolve them. And we get what we call perpetually gridlocked problems. Like the type to perpetual problem. They’re perpetually gridlocked in that we have the same problem, but it wears new clothes. Every time it too is based on lifestyle or personality, lifestyle, or personality, it’s just who we are. And it happens over and over again. But there’s something different.

We didn’t cut a deal. Now, these type two problems have become type three problems. By that we fight with fire or ice either were hollering at each other, possibly ready to kill each other. Hopefully no one catches a case, right? Or we freeze. We have a cold war. We don’t speak to each other for weeks, days, months who knows.

And we start to withdraw from the marriage. Those are the ones that lead to divorce and you need to get professional help. So these are the three questions you need to ask yourself. Boy, you’re thinking about divorce. Do we need to have a meeting of the minds? 29% of problems, far more easy perpetual based on who we are, how we live our lives a little bit more difficult.

Those are 69% of the problems. Can we cut a deal, becomes the issue, but we have to give something important to us. And do you have a type three problem, a type three problem. Definitely. You guys get professional help talk to somebody and figure out how do you make this decision about your future in your life? So I’m going to wrap up by saying one thing,

a lot of you think this decision is, do I stay or do I go? And those are both options, but there’s a third option. And you need to ask yourself this before you go getting an attorney. Can I stay and fix it? Dr. Shane here, I want you to like to say, if you appreciate what you heard today,

if you want some more of my videos, you can subscribe and I will have them sent out to you automatically make it a great day. And remember, 30%, 30% within intervention, 30% divorce rates drop as much as 30%.

Dr. Shane Perrault

Dr. Shane Perrault

Over the last 19 years, Dr. Shane has partnered with over 5,500 couples. It's been his honor to help them reconnect, and he's committed to helping you and your partner live your happily ever after.

Hi there, I'm Dr. Shane.

I’ve helped over thousands of couples reconnect and I’m committed to helping you, and your partner live your happily ever after.

I’d love to connect with you today.

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