How y’all doing today. You know, I been getting this couple since 2003, when I started my practice, 5,100 couples go to first couple, came to me and said, how can we get our mojo back? How can we get our mojo back? They were terrified. They had just had two kids. They completely become disconnected. And they’re saying we got 30, 40, 50 years to go.
How could we get our mojo back? They thought I’d be panicked that wasn’t. So today I am going to tell you three phases that our relationships, all marriages go through and how you can make those three phases work for you. So don’t be so scared. Let’s see how the story goes. Right? So the first phase is the romantic phase. I’m sure in many cases,
we pass that phase with flying colors. Boy, art used to be all kinds of physiological. Things would happen. All of these neuro transmitters is cascade of Oxycontin and all these things are triggered. Bam. We’re in love. Cupid’s arrow has struck us, and that is the first phase romantic phase. So these couples were saying, well, I think we’re in that phase.
No more doc. I’m pretty sure we’re not. I said, well, hold up. Let’s see, let’s not hit the panic button just yet. So then I explained to them, the second phase, second phase is trust. So I know some of you, most of you are probably saying, wait time when I trust him, I don’t think they’ve been unfaithful.
I’m not talking about that kind of trust. I’m talking about a different kind of trust. I don’t know that type of trust or distrust could have an impact. The trust I’m talking about is boy, can I count on my spouse? Can I count on my partner to recognize my unknown, emotional needs, identify my needs and try and meet them and try and meet them.
And if it seems like they’re not, and they may be doing it a different way, but if it seems like they’re not, then it feels like I’ve been abandoned in this marriage. And you left me to fend for myself. Maybe I get them taken care of. Maybe I don’t not your problem. So that’s the second phase. The third phase is commitment.
Commitment. Commitment is a funny thing because most people, if not, I mean, generally most people coming to my door, they have a commitment problem. They’re not a hundred percent on fire about being married or they probably wouldn’t have made that call. You don’t need me. So what I ask people when they tell me their spouses and a hundred percent committed,
or they’re not a hundred percent committed, I ask, listen, do you feel your relationship in marriage or marriage is healthy? No. Most people don’t commit a hundred percent of the things that aren’t healthy or good for them. So that’s okay. The next question I ask is more important. If it could become healthy, could you commit to that? Overwhelmingly people say yes,
overwhelmingly people say yes. So there’s another type of commitment I want us to consider too. And that commitment is, are you willing to look in the mirror and accept what you really see blemishes and all gray hairs shifted teeth, highest stuff, but I’m talking about character flaws. I’m talking about habits that, you know, you need to look at, you know,
it doesn’t work for this person, a temper, you know, that fiery personality, yours, all the things that the person says hurts them over and over. Are you willing to look in the mirror and say, you know, I do drink when company comes by and it doesn’t embarrass her, I need to do something different. You know, are you willing to look in the mirror?
That’s a different type of commitment. So those are the three phases, but this story doesn’t end there. So let’s say one phase is lacking. Let’s say commitment. Most people come to me. That’s kind of a challenge. So if you have a romantic connection with someone and you start to trust them more, or if you trust them and you start to feel more romantic,
you will feel more committed. If someone shows you more commitment, they’re willing to change. They’re willing to look in the mirror, quit being tone, deaf, be honest. And you trust them. I guarantee you you’ll feel strong, a romantic connection with them. So these, how is how these three phases work and just because a leg or a pillar maybe down doesn’t mean you can’t use the other one or the other to,
to restore it, to make it stronger to fortify it. So I’m going to finish up on this by saying two things to you first is look at the three phases. I want you to say which phase is a challenge or a struggle for you, which one’s strong too. Cause that’s very important and put together your strategy for using the two to build the third of using the one to build the two.
So you could build a third, if that should be the case. So I started out talking about getting your mojo back. I had people come to me and say, eh, lightening don’t strike twice in the same place. I challenged that first one night, thunderstorm Chicago, Sears tower struck 17 times. Y’all hear that 17 times. So themes odd,
especially if you believe in statistics, but electricity doesn’t follow the laws. Statistics. It follows the love of nature and physics just like in your marriage. It doesn’t follow the law of statistics. If I were some human relationship and romantic principles, Hey, if you have what it took before you were friends, you could laugh. You got each other, you knew they had your back.
You weren’t frenemies. Then you were friends. If you go back to that state, you remove the resistance that blocks the electricity and it like the Sears tower was much more likely to restrike your wedding, your marriage. Should you renew your vows, your wedding again, your relationship. So yes, you can get your mojo back. I thank you all for listening to me.
I’m back to Shane. I’m a marital psychologist. I appreciate you for joining my YouTube station here. And I want you to know that feel free to subscribe. So you get more videos like this. You lack what you’re heard. I’ll take a thumbs up if you think it could cause that straightening, that lightning to strike again, I’ll take a heart,
make it a great day. And I look forward to seeing you at my next video.